It was bound to happen eventually.
I didn’t really have much experience to go on, but it felt like maybe the honeymoon was over, like maybe I just want to give up already.
Like all new ventures in life, blogging was fascinating and exciting at first.
Every page view was cherished, every comment celebrated.
Some days I would check the blog first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. It’s the truth; I became just a tiny bit obsessed.
Maybe, just maybe, I even made an idol of it, to my shame.
Then somewhere along the line, the new thing stopped being quite so much fun and started to feel more like work, like just another burden to carry.
Some people may say, it’s just a blog – let it go! But it’s not “just a blog” to me. These words are part of me that I’ve put on display for the world to see. And there are these nifty little graphs that measure that part of me day by day by day…
And some days they just don’t measure up to what I’d like to see.
Even when they do measure up, no matter how high the bars of the graph reach, there’s this insatiable desire for more.
And the inspiration isn’t always there.
And busy schedules get in the way.
I just want to give up.
Let’s be honest – it happens to all of us!
When that new baby comes home smelling so sweet, and everyone is exclaiming “how perfect”…
when that new job is so exciting that you just can’t wait to go to work, and people tell you how happy they are to have you there…
when that new ministry that you’ve been planning for and dreaming of finally comes to fruition…
when you make that purchase that you’ve been saving up for and it’s just. so. amazing….
when that mountaintop experience leads you to a faith-high that just can’t be matched…
Inevitably, a valley follows, and you just want to give up.
That perfect baby that slept so well in the hospital cries all night long, night after endless night.
That new job has its own set of challenges. That new ministry has flaws, too.
That new purchase grows old or outdated.
Thus the mountain gives way to a valley, and those feelings that had us on cloud nine dissipate like mist burned off by the morning sun, so we wish for more.
But friends, our lives are not lived just on the mountain tops. In fact, those mountain tops most likely add up to a very small part of our faith journey here on Earth.
The truth is that the valleys often naturally follow the mountains, not because anything has changed but because our physiology is built that way.
Our bodies cannot sustain a constant state of “high,” so we must experience a “low” to bring us back to equilibrium. Perhaps even more because we were not meant for this imperfect world, so we yearn for something better.
While I know that my faith isn’t meant to be built on feelings, as a woman emotions do come into play! How often I’ve wished those pesky emotions away even though I know they serve a purpose.
So what’s a girl to do when she just gets a case of the blahs and the honeymoon seems to be over?
What’s a girl to do when her daily refrain becomes “I just want to give up”?
She recognizes the valley for what it is – temporary.
She remembers that she is not a citizen of this world.
She blogs/serves/works/mothers anyways because that’s what God led her to do. She loves anyways, she trusts anyways, she clings to His promises anyways, she speaks truth anyways, she leads anyways, and she hopes anyways.
She keeps seeking.
Sometimes she even stumbles and falls, and she’s so ashamed of her weakness. But He’s right there to help her back up again.
Along the way, she learns a little more of the unfathomable depth of God’s grace. She grows a little more confident in an overwhelming, unconditional love. She grows a little more confident in His timely provision. She grows a little more confident in the work He’s doing within her.
Because He promised that one day, one glorious day, that work would be complete (Phil. 1:6).
On that day the valleys will cease to exist.
And the mountain top lasts for all eternity.
And we see His face.
“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Heb. 12:1-3
When we just want to give up, we don’t.
So we wait, like so many others before us,
And we do not lose heart.