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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

When You Need Showers of Blessing

August 9, 2015 by jstults 20 Comments

In the few weeks since my husband resigned his position as pastor of our previous church, he has filled out many a job application.

He’s even had several interviews.

But still….

nothing.

And I have to be honest, claiming God’s promises to provide for His children was a lot easier when we still had extra money sitting in the bank. It’s easier to trust Him for showers of blessing when we’re not quite in drought yet.

When needs arise, what is your first course of action? Often we neglect to ask for showers of blessing that our Heavenly Father is waiting to provide. What if we tried a different approach?

I knew that this moment would come when our faith would really be put to the test.

Now is the time.

Now is the time when the money is no longer coming in, the time when the savings account is running woefully low.

Yet now is also the time when we see the very hand of God act on our behalf in both big and small ways!

There shall be showers of blessing…

It’s true, friends, that in the midst of this season of trial, we are reaping a multitude of blessings.  Not just mercy drops, but showers!

I’ve been longing to keep record of the showers here in this space as stones of remembrance that I can look back on. So here goes.

A record of our showers of blessing:

~ unexpected income from a funeral my husband preached and I sang for

~ taking a family vacation we were planning but hadn’t paid for yet (not even a need, but purely a want)

~ Church Camp for our middle son

~ Missions trip for our oldest son

~ miscellaneous food for a family get-together

~ a tank full of gas

~ a Kohls gift card for some of our back-to-school shoe and clothing needs

~ new backpacks and school supplies from a local back-to-school carnival

~ a local church’s generous love offering to cover the rest of our school supply       list (from mostly strangers…people who don’t even know us, friends!!)

~ Overlapping coupons saving us a bundle on a pair of much-needed           running shoes for the oldest boy who is currently in cross country training        (hey, this isn’t the first time this bargain shopping mama has asked the Lord  for help to find a good deal on necessities)

~ free eggs (I know it’s small, but every bit helps, right?)

~ vacation extras this past week, like cheese fries, ice cream, and a boat ride

~ income from this blog (which has never, ever produced income before last month!)

Specific answered prayers for church-planting needs:

~ donated pews

~ an offer of building space to use for gatherings

~ smooth sailing through the church-planting application process with NAMB     thus far

Not just a handful of blessings, friends, no – showers of blessings!

When needs arise, what is your first course of action? Often we neglect to ask for showers of blessing that our Heavenly Father is waiting to provide. What if we tried a different approach?

So often I am quick to ask the Father to provide for big, noble, spiritual needs – like funding for church planting or for a missions trip, etc. Then when it comes to smaller needs or things that might just be selfish wants, I’m afraid to ask.

I fear that  my reasons aren’t “spiritual” enough, so He might choose not to provide for them. How about you, friend? Are you ever afraid to ask?

This is the promise of love…

When I think on the line above, I’m reminded that God is my Heavenly Father and a father’s main role is to provide for the spiritual and physical needs of his family.

My husband certainly desires to meet all of our children’s needs whether big or small and yes, even some of their wants, too.  Yet we are earthly, human, imperfect parents.

“Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” Mt. 7:9-11

 Too often we are busy trusting in our own ability to provide for ourselves to see our Father already at work on our behalf. 

When needs arise, what is your first course of action? Often we neglect to ask for showers of blessing that our Heavenly Father is waiting to provide. What if we tried a different approach?

It’s only when we are incapable, when we have no way to meet our needs on our own, that we finally turn to Him and ask.

When will I learn? When will we learn that God is the Father who is not only capable, but also willing to provide all that we need, and even some things that we simply want?

Maybe as James wrote, we don’t have because we don’t ask? (Js.4)

I’m not talking about asking the Father to make us millionaires or provide for worldly extravagances (although sometimes He likes to blow our socks off with an extravagance, doesn’t He?!).

I’m talking about asking Him to meet our needs first…

before we step into problem-solving mode,

before we launch into penny-pinching mode,

before we sink into panic mode!

What if we just asked Him first and trusted in His character as our loving Father, as Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides?

There shall be seasons refreshing

Sent from the Savior above…

I’m betting we’d see more miraculous answers to prayer than we’re used to.

Next on the list?

The right jobs for us and a partial new roof before winter.

Praise the Lord along with us, friends!

Mercy-drops round us are falling

But for the showers we plead!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth, Tell His Story, A Little R and R Wednesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays

Filed Under: Christianity Tagged With: blessings, Christian living, Encouragement, financial needs, God provides, Jehovah Jireh, Showers of blessing, trials, Trusting God

Trusting Jehovah Jireh ~ Grace and Truth Week 28

July 24, 2015 by jstults 2 Comments

I know I said it last week, too, but summer really is flying by!  Can you believe it’s Friday again already? And time for the Grace and Truth Christian Living link-up?

I’m looking forward to a slower pace and some great family time at the beginning of August – going camping, sort of. Sometimes we need that time away to help us focus on one another and enjoy being a family.

I found so many encouraging words from you all last week that choosing a featured post was a little difficult.

However, considering the season we are in with my husband still looking for work, I found this post about Trusting God to Mulitply Your Resources (from Kathryn at Finding Hope) to be especially timely.

Kathryn can also be found on facebook if you like to connect there. 🙂

Thanks for sharing truth from the Word with us, Kathryn!

Jen 🙂

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Filed Under: Grace and Truth Link-up Tagged With: #GraceTruth link-up, Blogger, Christian bloggers, Christian link-ups, Jehovah Jireh, Trusting God

Taught by Twins

June 12, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 28 Comments

taught by twins

Close to five years ago, God chose to bless our family in a totally unexpected way.  It was a blessing I never would have chosen for myself, one I was completely unprepared for and one that brought with it a great deal of anxiety.  It’s a blessing that often continues to challenge me today.

The blessing we received was the gift of two children at one time – twins!  From the moment we received that awe-inspiring news, I began to worry.  The truth is that I like to be in control; I like to plan things in advance.  I like life to be organized and tidy, not uncertain or chaotic.  Two babies at once was not part of my plan!  In my turmoil, I didn’t know whether to yell, “Praise the Lord!” or break down in tears.

Thus, I spent the early portion of my twin pregnancy struggling with fear, worry, and what if’s that I never even considered with my first two pregnancies.  What if we lost one or both of them?  What if they were born prematurely?  What if they had medical issues?  What if I had to have a C-section? What if I just couldn’t handle twins?  What if our middle child (then our youngest) couldn’t handle being displaced by two siblings at once?  What if I couldn’t figure out how to nurse two at a time?  What if we didn’t have enough money?  The doubts strung out in a long line.

twins medical

On top of the what ifs, I was riding the roller coaster of amplified pregnancy hormones as a result of carrying two babies at one time.  One moment I felt euphoric excitement and extreme gratitude for this unexpected blessing and the next – sheer terror.  Even my fear became complicated by the addition of guilt, guilt for sometimes thinking, “it would be easier if it was just one baby,” or “this wasn’t in our plan.” As soon as the errant thoughts entered my consciousness, I felt a shame like no other.  So many women would give anything to carry just one baby, and here I was complaining to myself that I was being blessed with two!

I knew I was sinning.  I knew I needed to trust God more.  I knew that He was in control!  I knew His grace was sufficient for me.  If He chose to give us twins, then He knew we could handle it with His strength. I prayed constantly over these truths, but I was having so much trouble believing them. I put up a good outer front – it was easy to share my excitement with others and leave out the more shameful feelings.

One day when I confessed my worry that I would be inadequate, a wise woman at my church kindly told me that God knew I could handle two at once, or He would not have entrusted these babies to me.  A light bulb burst into light, and I suddenly saw my unexpected twin pregnancy anew, as an honor, a privilege.  Instead of reveling in my blessing, I was wallowing in worry.  I was wasting this unique experience.

twins and me

Little by little, the Lord began providing for our physical needs, as if to provide physical evidence for my skeptical spirit.  He knew we needed a larger vehicle, so He provided a minivan for our family at very little cost to us.  He knew we’d need double the clothing, so He sent neighbors and friends with bags of gently used clothing and other baby necessities.

Our church family collected gifts for us also, including a mountain of diapers that tumbled over onto the floor of the bedroom closet. We received countless gift cards, often from unexpected sources!  I was completely overwhelmed by a God who takes seemingly impossible situations and works out the details without any help on our part, and I praised Him for meeting our needs and encouraging us on this new journey.

My pregnancy progressed as uneventfully as a twin pregnancy can and as I neared the end, I thought we might actually make it to full term.  The specialist I was seeing joked about how great my uterus was and how well my body was built for carrying babies.  I beamed, pleased my body was cooperating so nicely. All was well.

And then the swelling began: first my legs, then my hands, and finally my face.  I knew it was pre-eclampsia because I’d experienced it twice before but never this quickly.  I called the specialist to report my symptoms, already knowing the answer I would receive.  Come to the office immediately.

Not long after arriving at the office, I was ushered over to the hospital and told that a C-section was imminent.  C-section: that dreaded word that made me want to run in the opposite direction.  Furthermore, my pregnancy had only just reached 34 weeks, so I required steroid  injections to help mature the babies’ lungs before operating.

As excited as I was to meet our two bundles of joy, fear of the unknown crept back in, slowly and silently.  I feared the C-section recovery.  I feared the health issues facing my premature infants.  Fear slipped in little by little until suddenly, it was upon me and I could scarcely breathe.  I momentarily forgot that God was in control.  I forgot that He had demonstrated His provision over and over again for the past seven months in some very big ways.  I forgot that He promises to be faithful, and I had a pity party for myself right there in my hospital bed.  I cried.  I worried. I wallowed in fear, took a bath in its darkness. I wondered why.  Why, God?

Our twins arrived the next morning via C-section at right around five pounds each and were quickly whisked away to the NICU. It was the beginning of a very long week.  We existed in a sort of haze, but we survived.  I put off dealing with my fears and thought surely things would get better once we settled in at home. Surely I wouldn’t worry so much having them right next to me instead of in another section of the hospital.

twins in carseats

However, when we finally did make it home, I realized very quickly that it was just the beginning of a long haul.  Both babies came home on apnea monitors, which made just about everything more difficult: feeding, sleeping, travelling, and so forth.  Additionally, we had already spent an entire week apart from our two older boys, including missing our oldest’s birthday party, so they were understandably needy, as well.

The nights were even more difficult as we woke ourselves every three hours to feed babies that needed assistance, and then I still had to pump.  It was exhausting, and I continued to worry about them.  Did they drink enough? Would they gain weight?  Would I ever be able to nurse them?  What should I do when they both cry at once?  How can I get them on a schedule when one seems to need more sleep than the other?  So much uncertainty.

At first, I read a lot of literature on parenting twins, scheduling, and so forth.  I worked at getting them on the same schedule and tried not to feel guilty about the lack of time with our older children.  I decided to focus less on doing everything right and focus more on just surviving the day to day grind.  I spent time in the Word.  I prayed ever more fervently for strength and wisdom.  He told me to let go.  Quit worrying.  Trust Him that even if I somehow did something wrong, my children would still be okay.

It took a few months to come to grips with the fact that my prior parenting experience held little value in this new four-child-family world.  I had to adapt my lofty ideals to techniques that would actually work for our family.  I even resigned myself to the fact that I might not ever be able to nurse the way I wanted to (although we did eventually figure out how to tandem nurse).

I gave up on having things “just so” and became content with “good enough.” 

twins gracie arms out

I gave in to my infant son’s desire to be held…a lot..and my daughter’s desire not to be swaddled.  I learned they were different from one another.  I learned to find quiet moments with my older children and to understand that jealousy was just a part of life for siblings, whether they have one sibling or many.

twins thriving

One day as I sat on the floor with my incredible infants, it dawned on me that we were no longer just surviving; we were actually THRIVING!  All four of our children were happy and despite continuing medical issues, the twins were growing and learning.  I even felt more connected to my husband as our busy household required more teamwork than ever before.  In fact, despite little sleep and little “me time,” I was superbly content.

Watching my two infants smile at one another, holding them both in my arms at once, feeding them together – all of these things brought me a greater joy than I ever could have imagined.  If you have ever seen two babies giggle and smile at one another or sleep peacefully side by side, then you know the joy I’m referring to.  It is overwhelming in its beauty.

twins sleep2

I admit: life wasn’t always pretty.  We still had difficult days, but the smooth days eclipsed the rough ones. I thanked the God who gave me a blessing I didn’t deserve, the blessing I didn’t ask for, the blessing I would never have chosen for myself.

When God gave us twins, He taught me a few very valuable lessons that I try to carry with me still.  He taught me that Philippians 4:13 really IS true.  “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” isn’t just a nice saying, but He really can give me physical strength for the day!

I can do all things

He also taught me that I needed to relax as a parent.

So what if our school age son still doesn’t know how to tie his shoes because we had twins the year before he started kindergarten?  So what if I don’t feed my children a food-pyramid-perfect meal three times a day, every day?  So what if my oldest occasionally runs out of clean clothing?  So what if the tv is on more than I’d like?

There are so many more important things in life than the details of the day to day grind of being mother to a larger than average family.  Things like relationships. Love. Attentiveness. Contentment.

twins tall

The Lord showed me that if I want that abundant life my heart so desires, I need to do the opposite of what makes sense to me.  I need to quit trying harder, quit controlling more, and just relax.  Relax in His grace.  Relax in His presence.  I don’t have to control it all because He is in control.  If I remain close to Him, the details will work themselves out, often in a more stunning way than I ever thought possible.

Jeremiah 29:11 became very real to me.

Image

I’m profusely thankful that His plans for our hope and future included twins.  Like the Israelites in the desert, I would have settled for a return to Egypt rather than experience the glory of the Promised Land.  But He had a bigger blessings in mind for us.

Can you recall a time when God’s plans failed to match up with your plans? What were the results?

Jen 🙂

Filed Under: Christianity, Parenting, Uncategorized, Women of Faith Tagged With: Abundant life, Blessing, Caesarean section, Doubt, Fear, God, Infant, Neonatal intensive care unit, Pregnancy, premature babies, Preterm birth, Trusting God, Twins, Worry

Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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